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A Texas couple thought they had done everything right. They paid for their children’s college, bought them cars and even continued covering some bills after they moved out. But after a flood and a house fire left the parents dealing with new financial strain, their adult kids refused to help, telling them to “sink or swim.”
The father, Robert, who laid this all out in a letter to “The Ramsey Show,” said the response was based on teachings from personal finance host Dave Ramsey.
Their children, who now earn six-figure salaries, one as a doctor and the other in high-end retail management, insisted they had “no obligation” to step in.
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“We were hit with two natural disasters last year, a flash flood and a fire to our home. We didn’t have flood insurance, but we were able to cash flow the repairs for the flood,” the letter said. “We currently only have three debts: two vehicles, which replace the ones that we lost in the flood, and our mortgage is $47,000.”
Despite their continued support of the children, he said his kids pointed to Ramsey’s advice as the reason they wouldn’t help after the disasters.
“They say, according to your teachings, they have no obligation to help us. They have told us, ‘Well, Dad, Dave Ramsey says to allow you to sink or swim because your debt is your obligation.'”
Ramsey responded that just because you raised your kids doesn’t mean they owe you money later.
“Your children are not obligated to any of you because you did your job as a mother or a father,” he said. “They are not in debt to you because you fed them, period.”
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He also pushed back on the idea that his teachings promote a harsh “sink or swim” approach. “They are not obligated to pay for your car,” Ramsey said. “But sink or swim, I wouldn’t, we’re not that harsh about it. I just want to draw a line.
Instead, he drew a clear line: adult children are not required to support their parents, but they can choose to help if they want to.
“If they are able and Mom and Dad are in a pinch and they want to give… because there’s somebody that I love and they’re hurting–I’ve never said not to do that,” Ramsey said.
Ramsey also questioned part of Robert’s story. While the couple blamed the flood and fire for their current debts, he suggested the situation wasn’t that simple.
“If you have car debt, it’s not because of the flood,” Ramsey said. He explained that insurance typically covers totaled vehicles, meaning the couple likely chose to upgrade and take on new payments afterward.
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There also seems to be a deeper issue: resentment. The tone of the question suggested to Ramsey that the parents felt owed something in return for what they had done years earlier.
That’s where he drew his firmest line. “My disgust with your entitlement, yes, that is my teaching, that’s a disgusting entitlement,” he said. “That you should think that your children owe you something because you were just simply a father and did what you were supposed to do.”
Still, he acknowledged that family support isn’t black and white. Asking for help is reasonable. Expecting it is different.
In situations involving unexpected financial strain, major life events, or disagreements over family financial responsibilities, some individuals choose to seek guidance from financial professionals to better understand their options and long-term planning considerations.
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